Going to Church

How I manage to show up at church once in a while, in ten steps or less...1. Become informed that my presence is required at my daughter's confirmation. 2. Decide that I should probably wear something half way decent since the usual attire I wear to drop my kid off at the back door of the church doubles as my pajamas (TMI? sorry). 3. Open the closet. Actually I can skip this step as the folding doors of the closet are wedged open and have been for about ten years by various junk mashed up against them in such a way that renders them permanently open. How convenient. On to step 4. With much effort, extract the most recently bought old lady dress with a vintage of circa 2007, which is not really that old for me. I am usually 20 years behind the times, or even more since I only recently stopped wearing what I call Laura Ingalls Wilder dresses. I only stopped wearing them because they no longer fit. (No wonder the Mennonites used to give me that "eye" when I went anywhere near them.) Anyway, I digress. 5. While trying to wrestle said dress out of the closet, I silently chant: "I hope it fits, I hope it fits, cause God knows what I'm going to wear if it doesn't (the thing is, He does)." 6. Put it on and smile because it does indeed cover my body, even though I had to do a bit of wriggling to get into it (and NO there is no video) and be glad it comes with a loose shirt to go on top. 7. Try and zip it up but realize that the front just doesn't fit right and realize that I have put it on backwards. 8. Go downstairs and ask husband to help get the dress off. Ignore the look of glee and eyebrows raising on his forehead and hope that he doesn't have to get the fire department to help (that actually might make a really interesting video). 9. Thank goodness for a really "with it" husband who saves me from putting the dress on inside out. 10. Smooth out the wrinkles, get a flashlight to search for some decent shoes in the basement and rush out the door... Voila! All in ten steps. Notice I did not say "easy".