FIVE IN THE BED...
“You could be divorced
quite comfortably in a king-sized bed,” my dad announced to me one
day. “Your mother and I slept in one at a hotel on the way back
from your sister's, and we felt like we were miles apart.”
I have heard that kids can
be a barrier to intimacy. I would say they are more like ten-foot
stone walls topped with barbed wire. Nature has it's way of making
sure that children are sensibly spaced in a family. My husband and I
have gone through three bed sizes during our ten-year marriage. We
upgraded with each new addition to our family. We now have a
king-sized bed so that six elbows can jab us in the ribs even though
in theory there is plenty of room for morning snuggles. It's hard to
even hear your own thoughts while hearing “scootch over!” “No
you scootch over!” “Mommmmyyyyyyy...he won't scootch
over...” “OUCH! Watch the family jewels there, son!” Never
mind hearing sweet nothings whispered from the other side of
creation.
We got a cheap bed for half
the price of a fancy no-flip brand, so we can truthfully say that
our sex life is in a rut. We just have to decide “will it be my
rut or yours?” In addition, at least one of us has to have the
desire and the wherewithal to ascend the growing mountain of mattress
between the ruts in order to make any intimate contact whatsoever.
To a childless couple that may seem easy, but to tired parents it can
be as daunting as ascending Mount Everest. All the right conditions
have to be met before any mountain climbing can be done. The kids
have to be in their own beds, ASLEEP. It can't be too late. It will
NEVER be too early. It is always better if the dishes have been
done, preferably without argument, because even the slightest tiff
can ruin the mood for a tired couple. Even if all the right
circumstances are in place, in fragile harmony, if one of the
parties is nursing, all bets may be off for the next year or so.
Just
in case anyone is wondering why we don't just flip the mattress more
than once a year - well, first of all, we're just too tired. Plus,
last time we flipped it I had a raging backache the next morning and
every morning after that until we re-flipped it. Besides, let's face
it - sometimes it's just more comfortable to stay in a rut.
The last time we spent the
night at my parents' house, the kids and I brought them their morning
tea in bed. Well, what a coincidence. Turns out my parents are in a
rut also, although their's is smack dab in the middle of their
full-sized bed. There they were, sleeping, arms wrapped around each
other; I don't know if a chisel could have separated those two. It
was a very endearing scene. One that not too many of us get to see
any more. It all ended too soon. The threat of the next course of
porridge in bed got them up in a hurry. No need for a chisel.
